a liar is a coward & a coward dies a thousand times inside. today i quit being so scared, my consequence is a lesson.
school
-- i'm feeling like a stupid little cunt, now. i just got my grades & it's looking like 2 C's 2 B's & 1 A. : (
i feel like a fucking failure. i hate this feeling, esp because the classes i got C's in were both Communication class & that's my fucking major. next semester, of course, i'll do better. i just hate knowing my potiential, yet being judged with bad grades. i wish my heart & soul were the only things people could see. in that case, i'd be so far ahead of where i am now ... in a perfect world. However, i don't live in a perfect world yet. i'm working on it.
the drought.
Seclusion plagues me. in a room full of people, those I’d be interested to know, those with great stories and funny jokes I’d love to hear; in a classroom full of people dying to be distracted, on a train, or on a plane where conversation lingers and a stranger awaits the meaningless words you have to offer; even in my home, with family … seclusion plagues me. I long for some human interaction, but there seems to be an invisible force preventing me to let anything wonderful in or a see through filter near my mouth that wont let me say the right thing; more importantly, to be who I truly am … whatever the fuck that is. I feel as though a little birdie is in my head, right in my ear, whisper beautiful words of tragedy in my ear. But my eyes, my eyes see a beautiful life that that birdie said I never could have. I wanna kill that little bird; kill him & take his fucking wings. Seclusion plagues me.
college life is proven to be more hard than i anticipated. like school, i must conquer life. like class, i must pass life's test. like a teacher, i must win over the game. and like students, i must lead them all to the promise land. : ) tlkin shit again.
; )
i'm just sittin here at my computer, feeling cooler den a muh fucka! lol. just realizing that my followers! you don't even know me, at least further than my music selection and fashion likings. so, i'ma start updating you all on my life again!!!! (thank me later!)
"Who's Gonna Save My Soul, Now."
why must they speak the words i've thought to say, but never cared enough to utter.
Sick Vid.
Model Much !?
-- her name is Abby Lee and isn't she a beauty ...
peep her running with: A. Wang, Fendi, Gucci and other fashion big wigs this past Fashion Week.
here's her NYMAG profile / http://nymag.com/fashion/models/alee/abbeylee/#
i'm in looooveeee!
-- right now I'm in the car feelin conflicted as usual. A bad ass old school female mix is inspiring me. Cool air hits my bare forearms, welcoming fall. Words unsaid linger in my mind. Mistakes haunt me. The lack of plauges my soul. I'm gonna keep fightin even though it hurts. It'll hurt worse to let it burn...
visit www.coolxkids.com
it rocks!
As we speak, I'm watching the Tyra Show. Today's show features a gay 16 year old who endured an exorcism in hopes to cast out "gay sex demons". My views on the whole incident (and by the way i am a total gay supporter. i believe in love, not judgement) aren't important, the reason for this post is Tyra's outfit. From the frill yellow shirt, which total compliments her color, to the skinny jeans and blue heels, i love this outfit. i think her hair slicked back and her FABULOUS forehead really set the whole thing off! +2 for Tyra, i'm beginning to love you and your inspiring, professional (nudge Wendy Williams) talk show.
btw. this boy on stage is only 6teen! woah, he looks thirty!
Deja Vu
Deja Vu is an exciting happening. i hear alot of odd things, from it being the devil's work to it being somewhat a matrix slip up. i'd love to know the true meaning, but in all honesty how will i know the truth? _ ugh. no real answer.
anywho
on a more random note ...
Lenny Kravitz is SEXUAL! right now, the tattoos x nipple peircings x untamed hair = my smile.
speaking of tattoo's ... i'm loving these.
i think i'll get inked post to MY BiRTHDAY! which happens to be tomorrow. i plan to play it low key due to the drama i'm going thru (tell ya later) and my lack of transpo / shit to do on a Wendsday night. I'd really like a surprise party (ahem) but i doubt i'll receive (still crossing fingas). Wait , there go that bitch Deja Vu again.
Alexander ...
of all of the little i've seen from NY Fashion week, Alexander Wang's collection (leather essp.) has blown me away. Here are my favorite joints!!!
to the music ...
to the music....
despite the drama and the ongoing joke / cornacopia of wtf that is Lil Mama, music really reigned supreme during 2009's VMA's! from the house band: DC's own WALE and UCB! to Lady Gaga's mesmorizing x bea
utiful performance that gracefully landed her closer to my heart! and Jay-Z x Alicia Keys' ode to NYC. Pink killed shit upside down. Taylor Swift got the rebound award while Beyonce (as cosmiccollection says via twitter) slung that pussy classy like! and all and all I still love Kanye' ... no further comment. MTV did it ... see yall next year, a lil closer tho. mark those words. let us toast to the music!
quick post in the mist of change.
things in life never cease to surprise / impress. like a fuckin' beautiful nightmare i'm living the college life of Thursday night parties, tattoos, peircngs, homework, and a shit load of new names and faces to match. i'm taking it as slow as this life will let me...just living with a general outline 'stead a plan with the inevitablity to fail and allowing myself to live all the while. i am though excited to see how this next couple of weeks plays out with this new sense of calm and clarity in toe...trying to do my PR thing. focused on success. smiling all my days. laughing my lul ass off. and strike mean ass poses just to keep all the cool cats hoppin' ... lol. : p
inhale , then sweat it out.
"they try to censor the influenza, just makes me sicka. influenza, yeah. i abide by their censorship, soon as they ride i'm back on my nigga shit." -Lupe Fiasco
Hellz on Earth
i am huge fan of the label, Hellz Bellz and there Fall 2009 collection is NO disappointment.
and the best part of it all is that the collection was shot by one of my favorite photog's. Brooke Nipar @ www.brookenipar.com
Cut the Shit.
**
so, i had a feeling ... and before i could shake it, i grabbed my sewing scissors and began chopping away at my hair. i was scared, but i couldn't allow myself to stop. i had a feeling that that night would be a good night and that life's gonna be a good life ... so i'm going with my feelings. 
other thoughts, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!
i love you !!!
and i have UAB orientation in 2 days ... wish me luck! sadly, that's about it for me tonight ... ily world.
New Muse of Mine.
Her name is Ubah Hassan. She's Solmalian! Now, at 21, she is the face of Ralph Lauren’s s/s 09 campaign. She has also walked the runway for Ralph Lauren, Oscar de la Renta and Betsey Johnson, and been photographed by Steven Meisel and Bruce Weber for Italian Vogue. She lives in New York, beautiful!
pis via: www.nymag.com
Adult Hood ...
so, i just realized i'm grown. this blows, the whole responsibility thing. i'm not loving it, actually havin' to exisit by this worlds bullshit standards of living; ie. vieing for money. i hate money, more important, i hate havin' to make it. i wish i could sit in my house with TiVo, my laptop, oddles of noodles, weed, and my telephone like i do now, only forever. i guess i gotta comprimise a bit and straighten up; losing the weed and maybe TiVo. that is only until i have enough money to chill and soley create. still, in between time, this shit BLOWS! fuck you ADULTHOOD. 
: P
Dead Prez "Summertime"
i live for these colors! Dead Prez inspires me with there consious vibes and chill style.
Bob Dylan
it happened fast, but i understand. fully. in the words of Issac Mizrah " listen up, kids."
iNSPiRE ME ii BE A HiGHER ME // real life edition.
Usually my inspiration comes from a form of Fine Arts, from Fashion to Music, but today; a day filled with tears, rain, sweat, and dissappointment; my inspiration has come from a conversation. What was that conversation about? Well, nothing much. How you been? What are you doing? Who was this conversation with? My cousin, Bobby. I'm not close with him. I haven't spoken with him in a long time. Still, this conversation meant the world to me ... that someone cared ... that he called me without reason or real purpose, other than to say Wat's Up!? I love him for it. You never know how much pickin' up the phone and sayin' Hey could do ...
also inspiring me ...
this model i found via Amber Rose's Twitter ... who no one seems to know ...
My FrontLine Entertainment PhotoShoot, which I'll preveiw below ...
a very great cause that I am now campaining for ... GEMS. Girls Education and Mentoring Services! It's for ex prostitutes rehibilition.
I learned of it from this documentry ... Very Young Girls. check it out HERE ... it shows a very different side of the life.
Bill Maher! http://www.billmaher.com/
I really like his political stand point and the comedic twist that he puts on this ever growing mockary we call government!
Ya' Know :
emotions aside, no matter why or if it is sensable, I FEEL BETTER ... ya know, I FEEL GOOD !!! Hey ... ! I knew i would ... lls.
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