a liar is a coward & a coward dies a thousand times inside. today i quit being so scared, my consequence is a lesson.


-- i'm feeling like a stupid little cunt, now. i just got my grades & it's looking like 2 C's 2 B's & 1 A. : (

i feel like a fucking failure. i hate this feeling, esp because the classes i got C's in were both Communication class & that's my fucking major. next semester, of course, i'll do better. i just hate knowing my potiential, yet being judged with bad grades. i wish my heart & soul were the only things people could see. in that case, i'd be so far ahead of where i am now ... in a perfect world. However, i don't live in a perfect world yet. i'm working on it.

the drought.

Seclusion plagues me. in a room full of people, those I’d be interested to know, those with great stories and funny jokes I’d love to hear; in a classroom full of people dying to be distracted, on a train, or on a plane where conversation lingers and a stranger awaits the meaningless words you have to offer; even in my home, with family … seclusion plagues me. I long for some human interaction, but there seems to be an invisible force preventing me to let anything wonderful in or a see through filter near my mouth that wont let me say the right thing; more importantly, to be who I truly am … whatever the fuck that is. I feel as though a little birdie is in my head, right in my ear, whisper beautiful words of tragedy in my ear. But my eyes, my eyes see a beautiful life that that birdie said I never could have. I wanna kill that little bird; kill him & take his fucking wings. Seclusion plagues me.