i'm thining of something BiG, really fucking big.

currently, things in my life are changing. not in the, here today gone tomar sense of change; i mean really changing. I feel as though ppl are entering and leaving my life for a reason & all the new experiences i encounter and lessons I learn are God putting the pieces in order around me. like a game of chess, i sacraficed a couple pawns, secured my King and Queen (soul and goals), and am planning for the capute of success. This feeling of peace inside of me is wonderful & quite needed. I know once the shit hits the fan, I'll be ready with skin tough as a lions and a mind capable of everything. i'm thinking of some BiG, yall ... really fucking Big.


so, this guy i'm talking to know has all this drama with a chick that goes to school with us. I've never seen her in person until today. of all the days, [ when i don't feel pretty at all ], for me to run into her. i begged my friend to tell me I was prettier. i actually begged her. if i truly am or not is up for debate and neither relevant or possible to state as fact, but in that desperate moment I actually needed to be told how more pretty I was. looking back I feel so fucking stupid. this experience has taught me a lot about where I am in life right now. through all the partying and fun, men and mall visit's; i'm an insecure girl who is so confused about herself she has to ask for confidence. I wont lie and say that my feelings of discomfort are gone but the first step towards getting out of this funk i'm in is acknowledging the funk i'm in. so, acknowledged ... *beat ... now what?